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Bill Does Everyone But His Mother Reviews
Author: Filthly Bill Lee
What does AIF stand for? Adult Interactive Fiction.
If you likely to
be offended by games with sexual content, you are advised not
to open these files.
Reviewed by Gary Plume
You're angry at your live-in girlfriend for ditching you for another guy. Time to nail every other woman within a five-block radius and send her the evidence. "Living well is the best revenge."
As promised in the name, it was a rather stereotypical T&AIF. But in terms of technicals and writing it seemed more clusterfuck than fuckfest. I'm trying to be less negative about my critiques, but I would suggest that this suggestion was kind of a joke and a dud of a game.
Sex and Writing:
I was quite disappointed that the NPC descriptions were rather terse. A prostitute is "pretty well used, but doable just the same." The women seem to be little more than a name and a kink: an 18-year old teen into vibrators, a middle-aged whore, a hotel clerk who wants to make you her cucumber bitch, a buxom hottie who'll only let you kiss her, one into whips, one into handcuffs, and a Barbie doll barfly. Sex was too brief. The author seemed to have chosen the Hemingway style. "She hops on your cock and rides you like a pig in a rodeo." Give me the deets! If you're going to be so skimpy with descriptions of the NPCs and the sex acts, I might as well write my own fantasy: Gary Plume Does Hollywood. So you can sleep with six women individually and finally meet them in an orgy or harem at the end. What's the payoff? "You engage in the most outrageous acts of sex humanly imaginable with this room full of beautiful women. The experience lasts for hours on end.[..]This has been an experience to remember! One you will tell your grandchildren about some day." Lame.
Technical and Puzzles/Game play:
It's a good thing I was working off a walkthrough or I might have missed two puzzles. The hardest puzzle might have been finding a slice of pizza in an invisible couch. Even though living rooms usually have couches, one wasn't present in the room description. Giving the pizza to a fat pimp causes him to choke and die, allowing you to do his whore without her ripping you off. But if you make sure your inventory is empty, you're immune to robbery.
The other semi-difficult puzzle was getting rid of the male barfly. It involves a crank phone call sequence that goes "CALL BAR. ASK FOR DAVE. SAY HIS WIFE." This is far from intuitive and no character that I talked to hinted that Dave was vulnerable to such a ploy. The puzzles are otherwise mostly lock-and-key type puzzles where one obtains an object in inventory and then SCREWs the interested female. Actually, almost no object is crucial, since the puzzles lack conditional enforcement. e.g. if a woman wants to be whipped during sex, you would expect to need the whip before she consents, but the game doesn't seem to care if you show up empty-handed. Even giving the pizza to aforementioned pimp can be accomplished without actually holding the pizza. I was able to shave without even getting the razor or the shaving cream from the medicine cabinet. Just for kicks, I went to the phone booth and typed "SAY HIS WIFE" without even the preliminaries of "CALL BAR" or "ASK FOR DAVE". The game dutifully informed me that Dave hustled off to placate his wife. Then I went into the bar and tried "ASK JEN ABOUT SEX". The game informed me that Dave was still harassing Jen.
Using short names of objects are a bit annoying. e.g. "OPEN CABINET" fails but "OPEN MEDICINE CABINET" works. "GET WHIP" fails but "GET HORSE WHIP" succeeds
This is the kind of game that gives AIF a bad name.
A charitable D for the author's effort of coding 18 locations and 9 NPCs. But the writing, technicals, and even the sex seem to lack much evidence of effort.
Reviews should be considered copyrighted by their respective authors.
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